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‘The straight goods’ about aging parents

(Pictured: Laura Tamblyn Watts heads Canada’s national seniors advocacy organization).

Laura Tamblyn Watts is the chief executive officer of CanAge, Canada’s national seniors’ advocacy organization. She teaches subjects related to law and aging at the University of Toronto and has worked as a lawyer defending elders’ rights. She lives in Toronto. In the following Q and A, she talks about issues covered in her book, “Let’s Talk About Aging Parents: A Real-Life Guide to Solving Problems with 27 Essential Conversations” (www.theexperimentpublishing.com).

You’ve written academic papers and are a regular media guest and keynote speaker on aging issues. What made you want to discuss aging in this format?

I wanted folks to be able to get the kind of insider information and practical tips I can give them based on decades of experience in this field. But listing a bunch of facts and to-do lists can be overwhelming. This book is friendlier than that—I’m giving the straight goods in a safe space like if we sat down together over tea and talked out what was going on with your parents, your family, and how to keep your head on straight in all the confusion and emotions.

What makes your book relevant right now?

We are in the largest demographic shift in all human history, and we mostly don’t have the tools to deal with the issues that will arise. This book can help people identify key issues to look out for so they can get ahead of them or address them as they come up. There is plenty of information on the medical side and no shortage of caregiver stories, but nothing that actually helps you help your aging parents.

Have you noticed mistakes that the children of aging parents seem to struggle with most often?

It’s divided into two pretty even camps, both of whom have no idea what’s coming their way. The first group assumes everything is sorted—that their parents are fine now and will be fine, and that things have been arranged already. Too often, it probably won’t and isn’t, and they haven’t. When things start to go wrong, the process can be too late, much more expensive, and way more difficult.

The second group assumes that as the adult kids, they get to make the decisions, and that their parents should do what they are told. Good luck on that one! Older adults are still adults. The same way that you don’t want them telling you what to do when you are 50, they don’t want you telling them what to do when they’re 80, and they’re happy to tell you so.

This is where the 27 conversations in the book come in. They are meant to help start those discussions early, so you know and understand what the jumping off point is and where you need to help your parents make their own choices.

Can readers still use the advice in your book if they don’t have a traditional family or a good relationship with their parents?

The notion of family is important—this book never assumes that the readers have a middle class, white, heterosexual, urban, nuclear family. That’s one,  frankly quite rare and simplified version  of it. Most families are messy. There are families of biology, marriages and divorces and new relationships, difficult siblings, as well as families of choice, diversity, and all sorts of complexities. This book addresses all those glorious versions. There is even a chapter about what to do if you hate your parents, have been estranged, or were ill-treated by them.

The Senior Scene by — January 7, 2025 in Food, People
Thank you, and best wishes

As 2024 fades into 2025, we at Senior Media want to express our gratitude for the support of our readers, subscribers, advertisers, and volunteers, as well as the hundreds of community partners and locations that make Senior Scene and Where to Turn available in Pierce, King, and Kitsap counties. All of you are keys to providing vital information and community connections for older adults, their families, and communities. This past year, they were served by 146,000 copies of Senior Scene and 80,000 copies of Where to Turn. We couldn’t have done it without all of you. We thank you and wish everyone peace and happiness in 2025 and beyond.

The Senior Scene by — January 7, 2025 in News
A friend, indeed

(Pictured: A survey of older adults finds the ones in best health have close friends).

For adults over 50, maintaining close friendships isn’t just about having someone to chat with over coffee – it could be integral to their health and well-being.

A new study reveals a stark reality: While 75 percent of older adults say they have enough close friends, those saying they’re in poor mental or physical health are significantly less likely to maintain these vital social connections. The study paints a concerning picture of how health challenges can create a cycle of social isolation, potentially making health problems worse.

The University of Michigan’s National Poll on Healthy Aging, conducted last August, surveyed 3,486 adults between 50 and 94, offering an in-depth look at how friendships evolve in later life and their crucial role in supporting well-being. The results highlight a complex relationship between health status and social connections that many may not realize.

“With growing understanding of the importance of social connection for older adults, it’s important to explore the relationship between friendship and health and identify those who might benefit most from more interaction,” said Sarah Patterson, a University of Michigan demographer.

Patterson, a research assistant professor at the university’s Institute for Social Research, emphasized the critical nature of understanding social connections. She noted 90 percent of adults over 50 said they have at least one close friend, with 48 percent maintaining one to three close friendships and 42 percent enjoying the company of four or more. However, these numbers drop dramatically for those facing health challenges. Among individuals in fair or poor mental health, 20 percent have no close friends at all – double the overall rate.

The gender divide in friendship is notable, researchers said. Men are more likely than women to report having no close friends. Age also plays a role, with those 50 to 64 more likely to report no close friendships compared to their older counterparts – a somewhat counterintuitive finding that challenges assumptions about social isolation  increasing with age.

When it comes to staying in touch, modern technology has helped keep connections alive. In the month before the survey, 78 percent of older adults had in-person contact with close friends, while 73 percent connected over the phone and 71 percent used text messages. It suggests that older adults are adapting to new ways of being connected.

The study’s findings resonate with AARP, one of the study’s supporters.

“Strong social connections can encourage healthier choices, provide emotional support, and help older adults navigate health challenges, particularly for those at greater risk of isolation,” said Indira Venkat, senior vice president of research at AARP

Perhaps most striking is the role that close friends play in supporting health and well-being. Among those with at least one close friend, 79 percent say they can definitely count on friends for emotional support in good times or bad, and 70 percent feel confident discussing health concerns with their friends. These aren’t just casual relationships – they’re vital support systems that can influence health behaviors and outcomes, researchers said.

Consider this: 50 percent of older adults say their close friends encouraged them to make healthy choices, such as exercising more or eating a healthier diet. Another 35 percent say friends motivated them to get health issues checked out by a healthcare provider, and 29 percent received encouragement to stop unhealthy behaviors like poor eating habits or excessive drinking.

What’s more, 32 percent had friends who helped them when sick or injured, 17 percent had friends pick up medications for them, and 15 percent had friends attend medical appointments with them, underscoring how friendship can function as informal healthcare support systems.

But researchers said the study reveals a challenging paradox: Making and maintaining friendships becomes more difficult precisely when people might need them most.

Among those reporting fair or poor mental health, 65 percent and 61 percent, respectively, of older adults say making new friends and maintaining existing friendships is harder now than when they were younger. Seventy-five percent still want to develop new friendships, particularly those who live alone and report feeling lonely.

The study also reveals a trend toward friendships between people of different age groups. Among those with at least one close friend, 46 percent have one from a different generation (at least 15 years older or younger). This suggests that meaningful connections transcend age gaps, researchers said.

The study’s participants were multi-ethnic, including Caucasians, Blacks, Hispanics, Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders. They were surveyed online or by phone.

Source: StudyFinds, an online (studyfinds.org) hub for reports on scientific research. Its founder is Steve Fink, a former television editor for CBS.

The Senior Scene by — January 7, 2025 in Spotlight
Be fit, active in new ways or regular routines

(Pictured: Working in a garden with grandchildren can be a fun way to add some fitness and physical activity).

Being physically active with your family is a great way to stay healthy and make exercise fun. Whether you play team sports with the entire brood or take brisk walks with your spouse, child, or grandchild, you’ll be rewarded with improved health and time spent together.

Here are a few activities to do with grandchildren:

  • With infants and toddlers, take them for walks in the stroller and rides on your bicycle. Don’t forget your helmets. Play games that get your bodies moving — Wheels on the Bus, Pretend We’re Animals, and Hide-and-Seek. Sign up for baby yoga or exercise classes. Or try baby-friendly swimming classes.
  • With school-age kids, walk to the park and push their swing. Jump rope together. Build a fort — indoors or out. Play catch, kickball, basketball, or soccer. Go swimming or biking. Play a video fitness game together and see who wins.
  • With teens and young adults, do what interests them. Try hiking, skating, or tennis. Or go golfing or swimming. In other words, invite them to join you in physical activities that require two people. Maybe they’ll help you in the garden or with heavy-duty household chores.

You don’t need to spend a fortune to be physically active. In fact, you can be active in many ways without spending any money. You don’t need special exercise equipment, either, other than comfortable walking shoes. For instance:

  • Make your own weights from household items such as soup cans or bottles of water.
  • Try out free demonstration exercise classes at a senior center or fitness center.
  • Go for a walk in a park.
  • Participate in community-sponsored fun runs or walks.
  • Yard work such as raking, digging, and planting.
  • And make sure to drink water or juice after exercise.

Being creative and trying new forms of exercise can keep you motivated by preventing boredom. A change in seasons is an excellent time to try something new. There are many ways to be active throughout the year.

In the winter, when your grandchildren visit, head outside to build a snowman together or go ice skating. Cold outdoor temperatures are an excellent reason to join a mall-walking group. Start the new year by trying out a fitness center — many offer New Year resolution specials. Give your heart a Valentine’s Day gift with dance lessons, such as salsa, tango, or belly dancing.

Spring is coming. So as the temperatures start to get warm, get your garden ready. The lifting and bending you do are great for strength and flexibility.

Source: National Institute on Aging, part of the federal National Institutes of Health.

The Senior Scene by — December 31, 2024 in Health & Fitness